just beyond control.
I eat the building passion, stuffed down my throat,
the intensifying energy shooting out my fingers flailing,
hard frequency emitting from brainstem
my eyeballs panic to block. (Anywhere but here.)
Like a switch thrown down
Too late… Too much….
I am done in.
The agony wins
and I am nothing
with no awaiting joy.
My mistake was in seeking control,
was in fighting. When pain is divinely willed,
only surrender of self will bear any fruit.
Although crippled by disease, I am fully alive in love. I write about the profound wonder and terrible beauty of life while living with physical disability and severe dependency. Unafraid to ask life's big questions, I was briefly an atheist and considered other religions before finding, in God's choice to intimately share our humanity, what it truly means to be fully human. A revert to the Catholic Faith, I blog weekly and have written a book called It's Good to Be Here.