Eternity is not only about life after death, like heaven and hell. Eternity is also here and now. For, if eternity has no beginning and no end, then it’s already happening. It’s always.
What do I do with this knowledge? Do I merely repeat it, post it, preach it? Or do I live it? And how do I live it? I had hoped that consecrating myself to the Sacred Heart of Jesus would help me to give my whole self to God and doing God’s will. I want to be sacred, for holy use, dedicated to divine purpose. But… What did I think that would mean? Did I think I wouldn’t have any lazy hours anymore? Did I think I would stop following football? (I never intended to do that.) Did I think that I wouldn’t want to watch funny shows or indulge in some clean, romantic fiction from time to time? Not that these things are ungodly, but… There isn’t much that I can do physically for God and God’s people except pray. There is so much cruelty and violence in the world, and I could pray for peace…. What am I doing? Aargh. Crap.
I’m not a nun. I don’t mean that in any flippant kind of way. I admire and respect people who are consecrated to Religious Life in Religious Orders. To leave their worldly things behind and give themselves totally to a regiment, a structure with rules and routines designed to keep them mindful of God and devoted to doing God’s work – it’s sublimely beautiful. Of course, they don’t spend every minute praying on their knees, or ladling soup out to the hungry, or sewing clothes for the naked, or cleaning the bedpans of the sick. I mean, they have to sleep. And they play, too. Some Orders have basketball hoops or ping-pong tables or bicycles. They go for long walks, chatting and laughing together. But, all that they do they do for love of God, giving God glory and praising Him. Not like they’ve got the basketball and are going dribble, “I love God,” dribble, dribble, “God is great” – that’s not what I mean. I don’t know what I mean.
And I guess that’s the point of this post. To tell whoever may be reading this that I don’t know. All the words in all the languages of the world combined cannot write out all of the things that I don’t know.
Although crippled by disease, I'm fully alive in love. I write about the terrible beauty and sacred wonder of life, while living with physical disability and severe dependency. A revert to the Catholic faith through atheism, I'm not afraid to ask life's big questions. I explore what it means to be fully human through my weekly blog and have written a book: It's Good to Be Here, published by Sophia Institute Press.