It feels like I’m starting a new chapter in my life story. And it’s all kind of overwhelming.
Yesterday, I was interviewed about my book, It’s Good to Be Here, via telephone on a live radio show in Nebraska. Today, I will do another interview on a station in New Jersey. Next week, I will be speaking in person to teenagers at a local Catholic school, as well as to their teachers and possibly family members. And I know I can’t do it. Nervousness creeps all through my body like some kind of painful, paralyzing disease, and though I feel silly for being so anxious, I think, “I can’t do this. This is going to kill me.”
Don’t worry, it won’t. But it’s true that I can’t do it.
God can. Through me.
No, I don’t mean that I’m a puppet whose strings will be pulled by the divine master or that I don’t have to do anything in order for God’s will to be done. I’m simply choosing to have faith: I believe in God’s love and the truth of the message in It’s Good to Be Here; I believe that if God wants people to read the book, then the Holy Spirit will inspire me with the right words when needed, as long as I am open to what He has given and shown to me thus far. Everything in my little life has led up to this point.
I know that I am little, but great is God’s love for me — and for you.
Others will tell me, “You’ve got this, Christina.” But I can almost hear (though not actually hearing) God saying, “Christina, I’ve got you.”
I will take my confidence in that … and try not to freak out as a brave beyond my comfort zone.
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© 2020 Christina Chase
Although crippled by disease, I am fully alive in love. I write about the profound wonder and terrible beauty of life while living with physical disability and severe dependency. Unafraid to ask life's big questions, I was briefly an atheist and considered other religions before finding, in God's choice to intimately share our humanity, what it truly means to be fully human. A revert to the Catholic Faith, I blog weekly and have written a book called It's Good to Be Here.